Happy New Year!

Dear Ami,

In lakes, the amount of sunlight that reaches underwater plants depends on the clearness of the water. Water clarity is very important in aquatic habitats and we all know that plants will die if they cannot get enough sunlight. And fewer plants mean less food for many animals. Fish, crabs, ducks and geese find food and protection in beds of underwater plants.

When water is cloudy, it is called turbid. Turbidity results when soil particles and other materials are stirred up in the water and thereafter block the sunlight that plants need to produce oxygen for fish and other aquatic life.

Why am I saying all this? Well, as the saying goes, “Feelings buried alive never die.” In other words, if we don’t make a habit of containing and processing our feelings and thoughts, our internal landscape goes through the same kind of turbidity as water. Such feelings and thoughts hang around, cluttering up our consciousness. Over time, unaddressed clutter will continue to build, not only crowding out our authentic being but festering and becoming unsanitary, even downright dangerous and affecting relationships with those around us. When the buildup reaches this level in our internal landscape, that’s when disease erupts in our bodies or our life circumstances.

So, my dear, in this new year, I will implore you to resolve to deal with every negative thought and feeling on the spot and not bury them—giving room for them to clutter your authenticity and creativity.

Happy New Year! May the year be a blissful one for you.

Yours always,
Shazzy_xp 🌱

Clarity

Dear Ami,

Yeah! It’s been forever since I last wrote to you and to tell you the truth, it wasn’t intentional. I’ve not been in the best of places emotionally and mentally—to put it straight, the past months have been rough. And you know what they say about rough patches; it’s like being in a loop with everything happening all at once in a circle.

And the funny thing is while in that circle, you start to battle with staying true to yourself; unlearning and relearning or gradually losing part of yourself. I was in between the former and the latter and then I started to seek clarity to find balance. I’ll tell you all about it.

In the 1960s, a British psychoanalyst Wilfred Bion developed a theory on clarity, and the simple idea behind Bion’s theory is that, for us to process our thoughts and feelings fully and effectively, we must first be able to contain them. This means being able to gather and hold what we’re feeling, being present with it so that we can consciously experience it in a non-judgmental and empathic way. And as we process it in this way, we enable it to pass through us.

Instinctively, I spent 90% of the past months trying to forcefully pass through these uncomfortable and unhappy feelings, by ignoring, dismissing, and trying to change or control them and I kept going under. Until I realised that containing and allowing it all to move through my thoughts and emotions was my way out. Now I’m out and even though everything isn’t a bed of roses, I do see beautiful colours😁.

Yours always,
Shazzy_xp 🌱

Confronting Yourself

Dear Ami,

Feeling down and depressed lately you said and you do not know why? Depression comes in different forms but there is always, in most cases, a single root where it sprouts. Pinpointing that root and confronting it could bring about a release. I will like to share something that has helped me deal with depression in the past.

I believe depression is a matter of the heart and only the person going through it understands the heart of that matter. Therefore, opening up and confronting yourself will help you find closure and release. And since we cannot shout or throw tantrums at ourselves, it becomes easier to confront ourselves. All you need to do is take a moment with yourself and a notepad. You talk heart to heart with yourself and pen down every thought and emotion be it positive or negative and start questioning yourself: why do I feel this way? Is there a solution to how I feel? Am I going to be stuck here forever till I meet my end? Is there a way I can change or shake off this feeling and take my life back? And then, you break everything down to the smallest atom and the result will amaze you.

Look at the bright side my friend.

Yours always,
Jennifer Adio-Moses.

Belief system

Dear Ami,

An experiment was performed in which flying insects were placed in a closed jar. For a while, the insects flew to the top and tried to get past the lid of the jar, but after struggling for a time, they stopped trying and only flew as high as they could.

Offspring born to these insects now residing in captivity never saw their parents fly above a certain level. Later, when the lid of the jar was removed, even though the insects could have flown out of the jar, they did not. They were born in captivity and never knew they could fly above that one realm of existence.

This in a way explains why some folks are the way they are because they only see through the conventional lens and belief systems passed down to them by generations before them who never thought to look beyond. They see life in black and white and cannot take initiative. And like invincible chains, those belief systems can imprison them forever.

So, my dear, like the insects from the experiment could not fly above a certain level, in the same way, we cannot climb above the ladder of our belief system. Except we consciously question those beliefs and be humble enough to put them aside and embrace a new perspective, we will remain trapped in the jar…limited.

Yours always,

Jennifer Adio-Moses.

Weaknesses

Dear Ami,

It is important in life for one to be aware of both strengths and weaknesses so that one can take measures to further enhance strengths as well as manage weaknesses. However, too many of us overestimate our strengths and undermine our weaknesses and in the end, land ourselves in trouble. I was guilty of that.

“We do not tolerate weaknesses; we build on strengths” is mostly the watchword in today’s world. But what is light without darkness and darkness without light? How do we show empathy without weaknesses? If we only show strength then the world will be nothing but a bubble. So, my dear, embrace your weaknesses and master them in the same way you enhance and master your strengths.

Yours always,
Jennifer Adio-Moses.

Projection

Dear Ami,

I am claustrophobic. I always feel the wall closing in on me like a group of lionesses closing in on their prey; slowly covering the gap to box it in. So is my phobia—an ever-watchful eye. I could be in the open field with the soft breeze blowing through my face and still literally gasp for air at the thought of being trapped. Believe me, trapped is where I do not want to be.
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I know it may appear like I am well acquainted with myself but believe me when I tell you; there are places in my shell I have not been. But, the good thing is I am unravelling and trying to understand myself better every day, so I can better relate with the world and people around me. Why is this important, my dear? It is because we humans project. It is a mental process by which we attribute to others what is in our minds. However, projection can be both negative or positive depending on the understanding ones self.

So, what are you projecting unto others? Where are the root of your misunderstanding with others and the world around you sprouting from? Write me.

Yours always,
Jennifer Adio-Moses.

Refining

Dear Ami,

Sigh! I know it’s been forever since I last wrote to you. I’ve been busy trying to make sense of my life; how I got to the point I am right at this moment. I’ve hit the ground so badly and the lamentation of David rightly describes my situation… “how are the mighty fallen.”

I find myself constantly envious of the ‘peace of mind’ I think others enjoy and the sad reality that seems to be far-fetched from me. Like I don’t even care to know the scars underneath their clothing or the battles they are fighting within, all I know is that so long as they appear to be having the time of their lives, they are better off than me.

I pat myself on the back now and then with hopes that in time everything will be better. “Don’t give up! You’ll make it through. Tough times don’t last forever.” Puffs…oh well, I’m still here and things aren’t getting better. But guess what? I got better! I realised that I was hell-bent on wanting things to change and in the process, I lost myself. But now, I’m learning to change how I see things, living more in the moment than lamenting over the passed. I hope this letter brings you clarity and comfort and helps you start the new year with a positive attitude towards life.

Yours always,
Shazzy.